The Bible is very clear how important our words are. Words can literally speak life or death over those we communicate with. As a mom with two little kids at home, I am constantly speaking words over my children. And, full transparency, in the middle of snack requests, diaper changes, big toddler feelings, and testing of boundaries, I can become so lax in the words I say to them because of my own sins of laziness, frustration, and lack of self control. But the words we speak over our kids every day matters SO MUCH. Maybe more than we even realize. That’s why I am a huge fan of creating simple phrases that I can use over and over again in order to change the tone of an interaction. In this post I’m sharing three of the phrases I use most often, why they matter, and how they’ve helped me be more intentional with my words. They aren’t revolutionary, but they’ve made a big impact because they allow me to slow down, respond with God’s kindness, and remember the kind of relationship I am working to build with my children.
Phrase 1: “That’s a great question!”
When your child is asking you a million questions a day, it can be easy to tune out their questions or give them a half hearted answer because answering questions (that often you don’t know the answer to) is exhausting. But, kids asking questions is actually SUCH a blessing!! Being curious and wanting to learn is an incredible attribute that we should want to foster in our kids, not slowly kill. Our kids’ questions gives us a picture into what their little minds are thinking about and how they are processing the big world around them. It also gives us as parents a way to helpfully and healthily shape their minds and world views. And, their questions can often lead into fun conversations, if you let them. So, instead of brushing my child’s question off or giving a distracted answer, I try to respond to their question first with, “That’s a great question!” This initial response is an enthusiastic one rather than an annoyed or frustrated response, which shows them that their curiosity is valued. This simple response also gives me a second to gather my thoughts and pull me into the present moment so I can actually engage earnestly with the question and my child.
Phrase 2: “No, but thank you for asking”
It’s rarely fun to tell my kids “no”. I actually don’t like doing it at all. However, if I never said “no”, my toddler would be eating cookies and ice cream while watching TV all day every day. And because I love my child, I do have to say “no” in order to protect him and give him a healthy and happy childhood. A lot of the times, instead of just saying no, I’ll add, “but thank you for asking” at the end. For example, my kiddo usually asks me if he can have a treat before (or instead of) dinner. I’ll respond with “no, but thank you for asking!” This response is helpful to me because I truly am thankful that he asks me instead of just going to the pantry and grabbing the treat without asking first, so the thanks is genuine! It also saves me from feeling like all I’m saying all day long is “no”, even though in a way I still am. It just feels kinder, and while I’m not on board for gentle parenting, I am on board for being kind to your kids by providing clear boundaries and gracious words.
Phrase 3: “Thanks for having fun with me at _____ today!”
Because I’m a stay at home mom, I’m with my kids A LOT. And sometimes, I can forget what a joy it is to be around them! I don’t think this unique to the stay at home mom, though. I think most parents with young kids who are still fully dependent can relate to forgetting that spending time with their children is one of life’s greatest gifts. The enemy can lead us into the trap of thinking that our kids are a burden and we need time away from them to refuel and refill. That’s why this small sentence has such a big impact. We flip the script and remember that time with our kids isn’t a job, a chore to check off, or something we have to do. Instead, it’s actually a joy, chance to cherish, and something we get to do. When I say “Thanks for having fun with me today!”, I’m telling my kids that I enjoy my time with them and I love being around them. It’s also a great heart check for me because I want to mean what I say. If I tell my kids I had fun with them, I automatically think about if it’s true. Did I have fun with them? Or was I distracted by my to-do list or absorbed in my phone? If I know I’m going to tell my kids I had fun with them later, it reminds me to actually have fun with them in the moment.
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Using our words to encourage curiosity, set clear boundaries, and create an environment of closeness and love is a huge job we have as parents. We live in this balance of wanting to train up our children in the way they should go through discipline, correction, gentle answers, and pleasant words that are sweet to the taste and health to the body. This is a big task, but God isn’t asking us to go at it alone. He comes beside us and I truly believe the Holy Spirit will give us the short and simple phrases to use with our kids so we can better control our tongues and use our words more wisely. What’s more, He covers us with grace when we mess up and inevitably say harsh things. Maybe this week you can pray for God to give you a phrase to say to your kids in order to be more intentional with your words. Ask God to help you use your words as a parent to speak life over your children. And remember, this doesn’t always have to be a lengthy, detailed discussion – A short, simple phrase goes a long way!
I love you & I’m praying you find some genuine joy today!
– Jenn
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